


Hooded Goodies

by elianthos



Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon (Anime & Manga)
Genre: 17th century pirate doctors, Alternate Universe - Babies, Being Helios is suffering, Crack, Crystal Tokyo Era, Dirty Talk, F/M, Gen, Haruka and Michiru dodged the madness spending quality time somewhere else, Hoodies, Inspired by Fanart, Mary Sue parodies, Non-Graphic Smut, Other, Self-Insert, Sex Pollen, Usagi's inner dom, and little else, crossover in the omake, fanfic + fanart, fanfic and fanart, gag penis (but no penis gag) ( well in a sense it's a gag), gay used once both in its original sense and as affectionate reclaimed banter term, implied mild bdsm, inappropriate use of Aquarius lyrics, it's a fanartception, lowkey homoeroticism, men in hoodies, protect HorseBoy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-08-22 07:33:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16593569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elianthos/pseuds/elianthos
Summary: It all started with a group portrait commission to the Author...  or: Neo-Queen Serenity Majestically Enrolling The Shitennou+Helios As Cheerfully Objectified Posing Bishies And How Everything Snowballed From There.---------------------------------------------------------A big sloppy kiss to Frizzy for ultimately (or firstly?) triggering this madness with her Sailor fanart daily  challenge and her illustration of Mamoru in a hoodie  +  Diana/Shadowsphere21 on DeviantArt for enabling and collaborating to the written part of this Id-juice ;p





	Hooded Goodies

  
A big sloppy kiss to Frizzy for ultimately (or firstly?) triggering this OUAT madness with her Sailor fanart daily challenge and her [Mamoru in a hoodie fanart](http://sailorfailures.tumblr.com/post/1297513295/holding-out-for-you) +  fellow artist and SenShi Maniac [Diana/Shadowsphere21](https://www.deviantart.com/shadowsphere21) for enabling and collaborating to the written part of this _Id_ -juice :D. **What if Neo-Queen after reminiscing about that Mamoru in a hoodie decided that Hoodies Are Delicious And Should Be Celebrated? Enter commemorative group portrait with the boys in hoodies surrounding her half-Tuxedo Mask costume self 8D! Shenaningans then ensue.**  
  
The refs are a mix of anime and manga canon, with a healthy dose of fanon of course ;D. Timeframe is Crystal Tokyo… all hail to _quirky_ royal future hobbies. ~~Eternity is a long time, folks. Gotta keep it _lively_. ~~

 

 

**1\. IT BEGINS**

**  
**  
Eli:[cheerfully; smiling behind her canvas] : Okay, fellas...drop 'em!  
  
[Usagi a.k.a. Neo-Queen Serenity smothers her giggles as the guys simply stare, their chins being the only things dropping]  
  
Kunzite: [in disbelief] : You don't mean...  
  
Eli:[her smile really big now]: Oh, yes, fellas...[she points to each of the men's jeans.] Now...drop 'em.  
  
[A loud gulp is heard. Usagi is no longer able to hide her giggles. However, the giggles stop and both girls' eyes widen as the five pairs of jeans hit the floor, exposing some impressive anatomy.]  
  
Eli [in a small gasp, eyes huge]: Holy...[Bleep!]

 

**2\. ALL GROWN UP…**

  
  
Eli : Boys... [points at Helios while regaining control of her dropped jaw]: I think we have a winnah [Usagi ogles and nods appreciatively on her daughter's account. A facepalming Mercury is peeping through her fingers while Venus is flashing a victory sign and taking closeup snapshots&comparative diagrams with Mercury's in-built laptop zoom]  
  
Eli [stage-whispering to Queen and Venus ]: Of course the King doesn't need to be informed of such a little detail, or daddy won't let Horseboy approach his daughter for the next 9000 years within a ten feet radius.

  
  
  
**3\. …OR MAYBE NOT**

**  
**  
Helios[leaning over to Kunzite; whispering self-consciously]: What are they whispering about?  
  
Kunzite [straining to hear what the girls are gushing about while trying to hide his own impressive package]: Uh...I'm really...not sure...[He blushes profusely as he hears a digital camera snap and flash in his direction and Venus lets out a squeal]  
  
Nephrite [in a hiss to Jadeite and Zoisite as he watches Helios trying to cover up]: Can you believe the size of that thing?  
  
Jadeite [looking down at his own anatomy in comparison while Zoisite shakes his head]: Dude, it's a sock. It's _gotta_ be...

  
  
  
**4\. TOUCHY MATTERS**

**  
**  
Zoisite [cheerfully]: Just one way to be sure [ tentative grope]  
  
*insert Queen, Venus ed Eli's eyes growing the size of saucers* [Venus quickly regain her wits and starts snapping away stage-whispering: _Impromptu Boy's Love pose session! Rei will love this!_ ]  
  
*insert Jadeite blanching a little at the words, then gulping and joining Zoi in poking the crotch of a now squirming Helios*  
  
Zoi: Doesn't feel like a sock though...[to a bristling Neph] not like yours buddy, we can totally tell. As if you needed any extra, hmmmpf.  
  
Helios [in a very unhappy strained voice and with little tears springing at the corner of his eyes] : It's not a soooock [sobs, whimpers].  
  
Jadeite [freezing for a moment then freaking out ]: Can't untooooouch! Soap, soap!  
  
*Venus keeps taking snapshots, punctuating every freaked out motion with a flash*  
  
Zoi: [waving around his contaminated hand and spinning his body dramatically towards the audience]: All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand! [proceedes to swoon elegantly on the floor in a very flattering position for his own package]  
  
*insert the girls clapping their hands and Neph murmuring a Drama Queen in his direction* : Girls: Excellent delivery, Zoi! [Venus flashes another V sign and takes a closeup shot ]  
  
[Kunzite, who has been quietly facepalming the whole time while counting up to the thousands, in the meantime is offering a curved-in-a-ball-in-a-corner Helios a sensible shoulder to cry on].  
  
Queen Serenity: Need any help, Helios? *brings out the Silver Crystal* Or maybe you'd prefer my daughter's...  
  
[Kunzite looks suspiciously at the perfectly innocent smiling Serenity as Helios soaks his hoodie with a renewed outburst of tears]  
  
Horseboy: Just leave me alone *sniffles*  
  
[Eli chimes in after quickly assessing the situation of the suffering youth]: Indeed, let Nature run its course! Let's leave him alone for a few minutes... should suffice *wiggles eyebrows suggestively*  
  
[Helios stops sniffling for an instant, looks at the trio of female faces grinning from ear to ear at him, and starts wailing even more than before].

  
  
  
**5\. TO BULGE OR NOT TO BULGE**

  
  
Kunzite [pats the bawling Helios's back in a sympathetic gesture, albeit awkwardly]: Now, now, Helios...the swelling should go down in a few minutes...just don't think about it...  
  
Helios [bawling louder]: WAHHHHHHHH-HAAAAAAAA-HAAAAaaaaaaaa....!  
  
Nephrite [with a raised eyebrow while hiding his own impressive privates behind a chair]: Need a tissue there, buddy?  
  
[Jadeite comes back out, rubbing a huge amount of antibacterial lotion on his hands. He leans down to wave a hand in front of a barely-conscious Zoisite. Zoisite, inhaling the menthol scent from the lotion, flutters his eyes dramatically]  
  
Zoisite: Whaaaa happened...?  
  
Nephrite [arms crossed; with a snicker]: You fainted from penis envy.  
  
[Zoisite looks confused until Nephrite cocks his head towards a still-bawling Helios. Zoisite's eyes widen and he gracefully drops back to a crumbling faint, this time in Jadeite's arms.]  
  
Jadeite [gingerly holding Zoisite from the shoulders]: I don't know what's worse...  
  
Helios [now hiding behind Kunzite, wiping his eyes and sniffling uncontrollably] NO ONE... has it worse thank I do right now!  
  
Kunzite [suddenly jumping as he feels something poke his buttocks]: Eh...not so close to the backside there, boy...  
  
[Suddenly there are rapid footsteps coming from offstage. Everyone's eyes widen as Chibiusa steps in.]  
  
Chibi-Usa [cheerfully]: Oh, Helios...  
  
Helios [crying out]: Oh, dear G*d...  
  
Chibi-Usa: Helios...there you are!  
  
[She suddenly stops as she sees Helios' desperate attempt to hide behind Kunzite, who was desperately trying to keep the boy at a safe distance from his own unprotected backside. The scene is rather awkward, however, because the jeans around the men's ankles make movement difficult.]  
  
Chibi-Usa [her eyes wide as her eyes catch a glimpse of _le bulge_ ]: Uh, Helios...do you need to use the bathroom...?  
  
[A muffled cry is heard, and Nephrite tries to unsuccessfully smother a laugh as Usagi and Mercury slap two pairs of hands in front Venus's mouth, wrestling her to the floor while desperately trying to keep her from saying something very indelicate to the girl]  
  
Nephrite [eyebrow raised]: Uh, do you think it's time for that 'birds and the bees' talk, Your Highness?  
  
Jadeite, Kunzite, and Zoisite [now awakened from his second well-timed dramatic faint]: *sweatdrop*

  
  
  
**6.   PERCHANCE TO DIVULGE**

**  
**  
ChibiUsa [stung]: ACTUALLY... [twirling her pigtails suddenly and blushing, Helios forgetting his predicament as he glances at her with a mixture of adoration and dread]: _I'mprettywellversedinthatdepartmentalready._  
  
[Everyone stares with various degree of awed approval and reproach at the two youths but a nodding Serenity lost in her fond memories of manga-verse kitchen floor teenage snogging]  
  
Queen: She's her parents' daughter all right.  
  
"What birds and bees talk, ladies and gentlemen?"  
[everybody turns towards the voice and related body entering the room still semi-clad in a pleated miniskirts and pink leather boots. Some jaws drop, some eyes go all starry and huge. Venus takes another snapshot... and Mercury and Eli do the same too]  
  
Serenity: Hi sweetie! [clinging to the person's arm] I knew the Senshi look would be fabulous on you - *whispering* - you have such hot legs my darling.  
  
Endy: [voice momentarily dropping to velvety depths] why thank you, honey. BUT... I was sensing some powerful waves of distress coming from a certain priest of mine [nails a deer-in-the-headlights Helios in the middle of hastily pulling up his pants. Unfortunately they stop just below a still standing part of his anatomy, framing it in a quite flattering but inopportune manner ]  
  
Helios: M-my King... [standing bravely under the increasingly stormy stare - only rendered more menacing by pink glittery cutesy Sailor Makeup - only his lower lip quivering _just a tad_ , to the compassion and admiration of all the other people in the room]  
  
Neph *in a whisper*: The boy has balls.  
  
Zoi, Jeddy, and Kunzite [the latter still checking his own backside]: And that's the problem here...  
  
Chibiusa [at the same time and causing a general sweatdropping]: Indeed he has *dreamy gaze*  
  
Venus: Oooh, lookie at how cute this nail polish is [grabbing Endy's hand in all his Zoi-made Sailor nail art glory]  
  
Endy [flushing a little]: Nice try Mina, but try another diversion next time.  YOU [Helios cringes a bit] are not to go near my daughter within a ten feet radius for the next 9000 years [wolfish grin] if you care for your balls.  
  
Queen[at Endy]: And if you care for yours you're totally not going to order that. [Endy gulps] You jumped me on the kitchen floor, buddy [cue Chibiusa *whispering*: well, I jumped Helios in the temple... ] when I was 14 and by the Goddess you're wearing me out very single night. And day. And 'protocol break'. [Serenity turns towards the stunned audience, winks] Not that I mind, mind you.  [back to Endy while biting her lip] Goddess, those boots on you are _sizzling_ , my dear [hands glides up his thigh and underneath the skirt, _revealing another winnah_ ].  
  
Endy [rubbing his nose against hers, hands reaching for her hips]: You enchantress... [a lilac sparkly fog starts spreading from seemingly nowhere]  
  
[Audience, skirting the Fog Tendrils of Lurv while carrying a fainted Helios ]: A-HEM  
  
Royal couple, between more and more heated kisses: Yes, yes. Dismissed and forgiven, behave and have fun, but remember to use condoms!  
  
Chibiusa *flicking her wrist to teleport the two away*: Jeez, they're the same as grandma Ikuko and grandpa Kenji. Get a room or whatever kinky place already.  
  
[The group is still able to hear the King's lingering last lusty stage-whisper to the Queen as the couple vanishes] :  
"You can leave the hat on".

  
  
  
**7.  EMBRACE LOVE…  
**

  
Eli [wiping the sweat from her forehead]: Whew! That was close. Now we can get this show on the road...[heads back to her canvas, deciding to use Venus in place of Her Highness since the Royals have found another activity to occupy their time] Fellas, you can stand here. [points to area in front of canvas] Venus, you can stand here...[points to chair that Nephrite is hiding his own remarkable unmentionables behind] Uh...Venus?  
  
[A sweatdrop appears on Eli's forehead as Venus, camera in hand, gazes with huge starry eyes at the spot that the royal couple formerly occupied just a few short minutes before, still glittering with cosmic dust]  
  
Venus [in whispery, gushy voice]: So pretty...  
[The senshi of _amour_ sighs romantically. She then slowly turns to Kunzite, her smile turning huge and wicked, eyebrows wiggling]  
  
Venus [in a low, sexy, syrupy-sweet voice, camera still in hand] Ohhhhhhhhh...Kunziiiiiiiiiiiite......  
  
[A sweatdrop now appears on the forehead of the four Shitennou, most notably Kunzite, who is slowly backing away from the others, a movement made rather clumsy since his jeans are still around his ankles.]  
  
Kunzite [pleading]: Uh...honey...please...[swallows hard, holds palms up in a beseeching motion]...remember yourself...  
[Venus's hot, steamy gaze however, rests on Kunzite's arresting anatomy, which was magically becoming more defined.  
  
Kunzite looks desperately at the men under his command, but gets three Cheshire cat grins returned to him]  
  
Zoisite [grinning from ear to ear while twirling a _café au lait_ lock of curl in his fingers flirtatiously]: I wouldn't pay to be you right now, Kunzy...  
  
[Nothing more is left to say as Venus does an impressive ballet leap across the room and jumps on Kunzite, the latter letting out a big "oomf!" as he catches his wife and hits the ground...hard. Zoisite's and Jadeite's eyes grow big as the pair let out hot and heavy breaths and moans while rolling on the floor]  
  
Eli [letting out a dramatic sigh while fanning herself rapidly]: And another one bites the dust. Uh, Mercury...can you---  
  
Mercury [suddenly standing and looking around]: Wait! Where are Chibi-Usa and Helios?  
  
Eli [multiple sweatdrops]: Ooooohhhhh boyyyyyy...  
  
[In a corner of the room Chibi-Usa and Helios are as alone as can be, although muffled sounds can be heard from Helios as Chibi-Usa has taken to easing Helios' rather tense state]  
  
Eli [to Mercury; rubbing her forehead and feeling the perspiration there]: Maybe I should have insisted on a closed set...

  
  
  
  
**8\. …JUST BE SURE OF YOUR TARGET.**

**  
**  
Jadeite (eyes darting around nervously): Actually, I think we'd rather need some _closet_ sets right now. [ Amidst the lilac fog can be glimpsep a flash of bright pink ribbon tying a moaning Helios' wrists above his head and thusly pinning him to the wall ] Can't unsee! Can't unhear! Gah!  
  
Neph: This fog is bothering me. *muttering* Can't see well enough! *back to normal volume* Mercury, what about your shiny device thingy? Anything funky?  
  
Mercury: Zoi, hand me the fog sample please.  
  
Zoi: Sure, baby. Smells good by the way.  
  
[The non-copulating people in the room gather around Mercury and Zoi.]  
Jed&Neph *sniffing*: yeah, true. As ~~gay~~ strong as the King's roses, but what can you do. It comes with the Shiny Sparkly Cosmic Trinket package...  
  
Zoi [shifting his focus away from Mercury's minilaptop data screen]: I'm telling the King of your disrespectful  ways  and _that_ was homophobic by the way   *cue Jed&neph sticking their tongues out and shaking fists at him*[ 'it's a reclaimed term in this space and it's a rainbow festival here mate!' ]- . ...And I like sparkles. Nobody dare badmouthing sparkles [ he pouts].  
  
Mercury [caressing Zoi's chin and smoothing the pout with one hand]: Sssst, it's all right cherrypie.  
  
[He starts peppering her hand and arm with lingering kisses a-la Gomez in the Addam's Family ]: Oh, _querida_ ,*kiss* you get rarely *kiss* so affectionate in public *kiss*.  
  
Mercury: ok, all's well here. It's Endymion power signature,*kiss* nothing else *kiss* Stronger than usual, but the power spikes are normal for him, according to my past monitorings of him. *kiss kiss kiss [Zoi: hmm, holy Gaia I love when you go all professional scientist like that]*  
  
Jed: He was like that back in the Golden Kingdom days as well. His powers' patterns and their evolution were always a by leaps and bounds, all or nothing thing... So... Mercury? [jaw dropping along with Neph and Eli] Zoi? GUYS?  
  
Mercury [breathlessly disentangling from Zoi for a second] : Keep my laptop, ok? Every info you need is onscreen. Sorry for the inconvenience [pushes Zoi against the nearest wall before he grabs her and shift their position as to pin her against said wall. An ice blue fog mixed with cherry petals starts spreading from the couple... and muffled sounds. ]  
  
Eli: [wide-eyed, reaching out to retrieve Amis device from Jeddy's petrified body as Zoi's hoodie and briefs land on his head] Are we sure Endy's powers have no funny effects on people? He is the king of Elysion after all. Dreams, illusions... _desires?_  
  
Neph: [cautiosly peeling off Zoi's clothes from Jadeite while regrettably dodging a flying set of navy blue lacy underwear] Err... the stars have revealed me nothing specific about this recently. Once upon a time though, when the Prince and Princess first met, they were quite... _affectionate_ with each other.  
  
Eli: Affectionate? *_* [moving with him where the fog is less thick]  
  
Neph: _Very_ affectionate. _Many_ times. [Pulls a reviving Jadeite closer ]  
  
Eli: Aaand? [glancing at Mercury's device] I can't see the connection with the data here yet... and there's a lyrics database of some sort flashing on the screen... ?_?  
  
Neph: Eh. The Prince's powers spiked a lot, in very unexpected ways. Elysion was filled with flowers in every spot that had witnessed Their Highnesses'… uhm… _quality time_.  
  
Eli: Flowers? *_* well it's sort of romantic... isn't it?  
  
Jadeite [shuddering a little]: The fields. The river banks. The kitchen. The bathtub. The throne. Our reunion table. _My desktop. MY BED._  
  
Neph [patting Jeddy]: They were big-ass flowers as well. Silver petals and gold stem and leaves, all covered with lavender coloured dew

[Eli blinks]: Dew? I hope it was just _dew_ -dew...

[Neph continues]: You could spot and smell them from miles away... The smell is the same now, just stronger.[Pause] But other than causing a huge scandal and triggering Beryl's whole revenge and plan [Eli's jaw drops] there weren't any other side-effects. And there wasn't any fog either. [shrugs, inhales as Jeddy teleports to consult Rei on any cleansing nonetheless]  
  
Eli [kneeling down, rolling up her canvases and gathering Mercury's items and trying to ignore the love sounds]: So... what do we do now? This situation is making me uneasy... [a manly shadow looms over her now] Yikes!  
  
Neph: Oh, I have some ideas. [dilated pupils and flaring nostrils] _Mako-chaaan_! [pounces]  
  
Eli [gulping and clawing at the floor while struggling against his Pepe-le-Pew-esque grip]: Look, normally I'd be hot and bothered and you're very very hot and ok I have curly brown hair I happen to like green but... IIIIH  
  
Neph: Talents lady [hands shift towards talents]  
  
Eli: ZOMG [slaps hands away] ok they're big but I'm not Mako, _capisce?_ Where is Mako by the wayyy! [frantic]It's the fog! The fog! I'm 3D and kind  of old, I'm way past the phase when you wish to be deflowered by 2D hunks! I have no gravity-defying anime boobs! [panicking as _something_ is poking her on the side] [squirms and wiggles] Oh gawd this feels kinda hot in a way. Must not surrender to the Dark Side Of DubCon Horny Mary Sue! [Neph starts sniffing her hair and shifts to fingercombing instead, thankfully]. Good boy, focus on the hair. PLUTOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, timeline disruption aleeeeert!  
  
[Time slows to a crawl as among the fog a garnet haze appears, zapping Neph into slumber]  
  
Pluto [floating above the mists]: _When the Moon is in the Seventh House  
And Jupiter aligns with Mars  
Then peace will guide the planets  
And love will steer the stars_  
  
Eli [sweatdropping while quickly readjusting her clothes and fluffing her hair back into place]: This rings a bell...  
  
[Rei and Mako appear as well, the first looking suspiciously disheveled in a scarlet red bikini and dragging behind her a very grinnig Jeddy with pants on - and a couple of hickeys on his lower abs - but sans hoodie]: _This is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius  
Age of Aquarius  
Aquarius! Aquarius!  
_  
[Mako proceeds to quickly slap Neph back to consciousness before hugging him to her chest, while Rei shaking her head starts dispelling the fog by activating the room fanning system.:" Where are Artems and Luna when you need the palace system supervisors?!"

*in the monitoring room, two feline lovers stop their activities and strain their ears for an instant before going back to 'work'... *

 

  [   
The Sweetest Thing ](http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/169144480/) by * [ kawaiiamethist ](http://kawaiiamethist.deviantart.com/) on [ deviantART ](http://www.deviantart.com/) * ]

 

  
  
_*********Some months later.**********_

  
  
Eli: Ok, fellas. Let's see if we can nail *one* group portrait properly now.  
  
[A group of happy couples with a newborn baby each, one sporting a cute little unicorn horn on the top of his infant head - beam back at her].  
  
Eli: Whoa! [donning Mamoru's first anime season sunglasses] yeah, shine all you want :,) .

  
  
****

  
Setsuna: [_Golden living dreams of visions  
Mystic crystal revelation  
And the mind's true liberation  
Aquarius! Aquarius!  
It's the age of Aquariu-uus..._](https://youtu.be/kjxSCAalsBE)  
  
Eli: I never knew you were into hippie stuff... Nice choice of lullaby by the way  :D  
  
Sets: I was at Woodstock, my dear. [wistful] Fun times.  
  
[Setsuna comes closer admiring the finished work and cuddling her own baby, now sound asleep].  
  
Eli: Whew, this turned out decent somehow. What do you think?  
  
Sets: hmm-hmm. I also have an idea for the title *grins*  
Eli: Soooo the Aquarius prophecy translated into... Smut? Children of the Age of... Smut? Not too proper for an official portrait :p  
  
Sets: *rising a perfectly plucked eyebrow* Children of the Prophecy would be the proper one. But the title I'd suggest is...  
*lightbulb*  
  
[in unison]: Children of the Hoodies!  
  
Eli: Wait a sec, though. Pluto... weren't you all using... you know... precautions? The King's condoms advice and all that?  
  
Sets: Superheroes stamina, my dear.

  
  
**9\. …BUT LOVE WILL FIND  THE  WAY ANYWAY**

**  
**  
[At Setsuna's statement, the ending music cues, much to the surprise of our protagonists]  
  
_[Let the sunshine, let the sunshine in, the sunshine in Let the sunshine, let the sunshine in, the sunshine in Let the sunshine, let the sunshine in, the sunshine in](https://youtu.be/06X5HYynP5E?t=137)  
_  
Eli [exclaiming]: Hey, wait a minute, this isn't over yet! Where's the rest of the script?  
  
[A voice from offstage answers Eli's shocked cry]  
Hotaru [walking in innocently]: I'm afraid it's a wrap, everyone. [She wheels in a large coffin with incredibly squeaky wheels and a plaque attached to it. On the plaque it reads:"Here lies Diana, aka Shadowsphere21, co-fairy godmother to fanon/canon Sailor Moon offspring, dead from laughter 3x over. She is survived by her buddy and co-author Elianthos, who has some of the most kick-ass art work this illustrator has ever seen, and has outdone herself this time. She is also survived by many fanon/canon Sailor Moon offspring. May she rest in humorous peace."]  
  
Eli [gasping]: Hey, that's not fair! Where are the rights to this script?!  
  
Shadowsphere21 [muffled from inside the coffin]: Miifffff mggnnnnfffffmffffffMFFFFFF!  
  
Hotaru: She says they're in the coffin. [Opens coffin and hands Eli a piece of paper]  
  
Eli [reads outloud]: "I bequeath all of my amateur fan-script to Elianthos, to be used with her now-completed portrait, which I'm sure looks yummy, BTW. Legal clause: Sailor Moon is copyright © 1992 Naoko Takeuchi/Kodansha, TOEI Animation. English Language Adaptation © 1995 DiC Entertainment. " [puts paper down] I guess this means that I'll be selling the rights of this impromptu fanfic to TOEI Animation...  
  
[A murmur of dissent goes across the new families]  
  
Zoisite [shocked]: Hey, don't do that!  
  
Jadeite [gasping]: They'll do a rewrite and cut us out for sure!  
  
Rei [intersecting Jadeite]: Or I'll finally get to fry you this time...  
  
Kunzite [dryly]: And the finished product will probably sit in the TOEI Vaults until who-knows-when...  
  
Endymion: [heavy with sarcasm] Great, and I'll get kidnapped again by some crazed queen...  
  
Serenity [intersecting Endymion]: Haven't I gone through enough psychological torture, for Crystal's sake? I would FINALLY like have a moment with my kids before Chaos comes back...  
  
Nephrite [insistant]: Just make sure you get a good price for our re-apperence. No negotiations!  
  
Makoto [sighing romantically]: Will I finally get to be with you, senpai? [turns Nephrite's face to hers and and plants him a wet one.]  
  
The newborn babies [all 7 of them]: WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!  
  
Eli [sighing as she wraps up her newly-finished work, Hoodie Babies]: Setsuna, the honors, please...  
  
Setsuna: Ugh! [holds up Garnet Wand]: Time St--  
  
[Hotaru stops her]  
  
Hotaru: Allow me. [conjuring Silence Glaive without transforming, because she's just cool like that] Silence Wall!  
  
An electrical forcefield separates Eli, Hotaru, and Setsuna, as well as Shadow's coffin from the arguments and wailing on the other side.  
  
Hotaru [with an ear to ear grin :D]: Sorry, Setsuna. Thought I'd spare you the suicide.  
  
Setsuna [paying no mind to Hotaru; gushing at her now-quiet newborn]: A-goo-goo! A-goo-goo-goo-goo-goo!  
  
Eli [sweatdropping; nodding to the band]: Okay, fellas, hit it!  
  
[Band gets the cue and strikes up the music]  
  
_Let the sunshine, let the sunshine in, the sunshine in Let the sunshine, let the sunshine in, the sunshine in Let the sunshine, let the sunshine in, the sunshine in  
_  
[Hotaru, Setsuna, and Eli bow to the audience. A now living Diana (Shadowsphere21) suddenly leaps out of her coffin, and all four nod to each other, and start doing the Chicken Dance.  
Hotaru, in her excitement, throws her Silence Glaive, which hits the rope holding the curtain, cutting it in two, releasing the heavy stage curtain to fall seamlessly in front of Eli, Setsuna, and Hotaru, but hits Shadowsphere on the head, knocking her to the floor.]  
Shadowsphere21 [croaking]: **FIN!**

  
  
**_OMAKE  
(Because Everything Is Better With Pirates)_**

 

  
   
[Cue applause, catcalls and  assorted briefs flung on stage by the cute males among the audience. Diana/Shadow is still wobbly but manages to smile and grab a pair] I think I need a doctor…  
[A vision of  XVIII century Scandinavian Piratey Jew Hunky-ness pops from the oh-so-convenient dimensional rift caused by this fic] 

 

[  
Westley Pin Up ](http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/181984442/) by ~ [ Dedasaur ](http://dedasaur.deviantart.com/) on [ deviantART ](http://www.deviantart.com/)

  
Hotaru[Starry-eyed]: It’s raining Men! Purple-eyed men!  
Eli [to Hotaru]: Yay [drooling a little]! Uh… that’s another fanart and song though [rising an eyebrow  towards a grinning Setsuna, holding a now glazed-eyed Shadow]: Uh… you are into pirates as well?  
[The glorious male specimen and his first aid kit land swiftly in front of the quartet] : I was busy seducing my Missus****** but You called me for help, ladies?  
[Said ladies]: I think I love crossovers [group swoon, Garnet Orb included]  
Westley the Hunk Pirate Doc: Oooh, boy. _Not you too…_

 

Bonus:*****(seducing the Missus)

 

                                                                                     

**Author's Note:**

> CREDITS: 
> 
> Sailor Moon Characters: Naoko Takeuchi/Toei/Kodansha  
> Westley Fynn (aka Jewish Hunk Pirate Doc) from The Pirate Balthasar by Deda Daniels (/Dedasaur/Deborha Daniele)'s [webcomic](http://%20www.thepiratebalthasar.com/)  
> Aquarius: [lyrics](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aquarius/Let_the_Sunshine_In) and [music](https://youtu.be/06X5HYynP5E) by Rado/Ragni/McDermot  
> Frizzy for her [4 Kings Hell webcomic](http://fourkinghell.smackjeeves.com/) of both serious and comedic Sailor Moon goodness :D ) and for reawakening my hoodies obsession with her [ Mamoru in a hoodie fanart](sailorfailures.tumblr.com/post/1297513295/holding-out-for-you). Good times good memories :,)  
> Odd numbered chapters: [Shadowsphere21 (Diana)](http:%20//shadowsphere21.deviantart.com/)  
> Top group fanart + Even Numbered chapters + Chapter Titles + Omake & Westley fanservice at the very bottom: my li'l self :p  
> \----------  
>  **You can find me on Tumblr, Twitter and Insta,[ just click on my profile page for relevant social and art links :D .](https://archiveofourown.org/users/elianthos/profile)**


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